So here it is... almost 2009.
I'm currently waiting for friends to show up so we can start making with the merry. This will be the second New Years party I've been to. Hopefully this one will be better than my previous experience. It was on that day that I should have had my eyes opened to my, then, current friends.
This year, 2008, has been monumental. I cannot think of a better word to describe it. In one year my entire life was turned upside down and backwards.
I started the year a very miserable person with a life that was less than wonderful. I had spent 10 years in a very unhealthy relationship, with a life style that was not the kind of thing you wrote home to mom about. I was unhappy, unhealthy and constantly disrespected. To be fair this whole series of events started in the summer of 2007, during that summer I met many wonderful people who have since become very close friends, most of whom kept me going when all seemed for naught. But I digress. In a strange and somewhat ironic series of events my husband left me in August. Despite the fact that it truly was for the best, I was still heartbroken. No matter the circumstances it still hurts to be rejected, even if it's by someone whose opinion doesn't count for much anyways. A few months before that I had been offered the position of Stage Manager for the theater production of 'Zastrozzi' that our crew (long live Belegarth!) was putting on. It was with the taking on of those duties that I finally began to change and see things for what they really were.
I had lived so long in misery, mistreated and convinced that that was the way things were supposed to be, that I truly didn't know any better. I thought that my life was a good as it was going to get. That being disrespected was part of being in a relationship. So... (wow I ramble) from May to August I worked on the play 26 hours a day, and in doing so spent most of my time with the actors and the crew. People that treated me with respect, valued me for who I was, actually listened to me in conversations and most importantly didn't try to manipulate me in any way. They treated me like a person. And that was when everything changed.
From there I developed confidence, I wasn't afraid to speak my mind or look someone in the eye. And those very same friends who helped show me those things helped me through the next several months. There was a lot of things that had to be sorted out, and no matter what happened my friends were there.
On the surface it would seem that 2008 was a terrible year. Many terrible and heart wrenching things happened in it. However, despite everything that happened, I came out of it a much better and happier person.
To all my friends; you are all amazing, I couldn't have accomplished half of what I have without you. You all mean more to me than I will ever be able to fully express. I will never forget all that you've done for me. To Shogun and Amaranth; you two are amazing, thank you for all the wonderful memories, and may we never stop dancing.
So this New Years I will raise my glass to friends, probably the most important thing you will ever have. The family you choose.
I love you all. May you have a wonderful 2009.
Happy New Years!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Don't you think it's time to cut it?
The Red Ribbon
Cool and fresh green leaved trees. A carpet of life at the base of a sharp ridged mountain. Breath held as the sky lightens. The sun breaks the peak in a torrent of magnificent glory. All is light and gold and then returns the darkness and confusion of artificial warmth and glow. The cold hard floor rising to meet the conduit of escapism. Why do you follow me? Ice blue eyes, piercing, haunting, and yet so strangely comforting. Silent words, filled with compulsion. Don’t think too loud or you’ll be heard. Light, dark, pain, love, joy, laughter. So much laughter. Spirals; strings of regret tangled up to make a spider web of broken dreams and hearts. Broken mind. Who stole the glue? “No one stole it ma’am, we’re just out of stock. You’ll have to wait until we review your worth.” And still you follow, who ever said I would listen?
You have to listen if you can hear
stop
Always near
Stop
Always here
STOP
Without me you can’t see or hear, breathe, feel, live
Quiet now and listen - you have so much more to give…
We always assume that what we see and hear is fact. What if it wasn't? What if you had to gauge everything you experienced off the reactions of others to ensure that they were experiencing the same things? What if your life was as entertaining as a carnival when nothing in fact happened all day? What would you do?
Would you go laugh about it? See it as a trick of the mind and nothing more? Would you cry and feel as though you couldn't handle it? Would you go insane? Accepting things as they were without searching for the line that separates reality from everything else?
What would you do?
I know what I would do. But that's not what this is about, this is to make you think. We, as humans, take so very much for granted and never give a second thought to what could be. We focus on what surrounds us, the thoughts we have, the things we see, the people we talk to. And for the most part we accept these all as being reality. But what is reality?
Reality - [ree-al-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties for 3, 5–7.
Ok, so that's the dictionary definition of reality, but it doesn't really tell you anything. It requires that you understand what it means for something to be real.
Real - [ree-uh
l, reel]
–adjective
So basically it would seem that for something to be real it cannot be fictious, imaginary, artificial or nonexistant. But how does one actually measure that? In most cases it is a simple matter, however there are time when reality cannot be quantified. When we must judge based on our own version of reality what is real and what is not. So it would seem that reality is an assumption on our part of what we percieve to be real.
Perception and assumption is all that truly separates reality from all else. So in that case I put forth, does having a solid grip on 'reality' truly matter? Reality is ever changing with new information, reality is not a constant. For example;
Your friend steals your wallet, however tells you they didn't and tells you that you probably lost it. That means, assuming you believe them, that your reality is that your wallet was lost. Your friends reality is that they stole it. Both are factual to the person viewing them, as reality is perception. Now given new information about your wallet your version of reality will change, however that does not make your previous version of reality unfounded while it was occurring.
The facts that were presented to you left you with a valid perception of a reality. Which also means that everything you see and experience is reality, until discovered otherwise. Our reality is dependent on too many variables to be a constant and with this in mind...
What would you do?
Cool and fresh green leaved trees. A carpet of life at the base of a sharp ridged mountain. Breath held as the sky lightens. The sun breaks the peak in a torrent of magnificent glory. All is light and gold and then returns the darkness and confusion of artificial warmth and glow. The cold hard floor rising to meet the conduit of escapism. Why do you follow me? Ice blue eyes, piercing, haunting, and yet so strangely comforting. Silent words, filled with compulsion. Don’t think too loud or you’ll be heard. Light, dark, pain, love, joy, laughter. So much laughter. Spirals; strings of regret tangled up to make a spider web of broken dreams and hearts. Broken mind. Who stole the glue? “No one stole it ma’am, we’re just out of stock. You’ll have to wait until we review your worth.” And still you follow, who ever said I would listen?
You have to listen if you can hear
stop
Always near
Stop
Always here
STOP
Without me you can’t see or hear, breathe, feel, live
Quiet now and listen - you have so much more to give…
We always assume that what we see and hear is fact. What if it wasn't? What if you had to gauge everything you experienced off the reactions of others to ensure that they were experiencing the same things? What if your life was as entertaining as a carnival when nothing in fact happened all day? What would you do?
Would you go laugh about it? See it as a trick of the mind and nothing more? Would you cry and feel as though you couldn't handle it? Would you go insane? Accepting things as they were without searching for the line that separates reality from everything else?
What would you do?
I know what I would do. But that's not what this is about, this is to make you think. We, as humans, take so very much for granted and never give a second thought to what could be. We focus on what surrounds us, the thoughts we have, the things we see, the people we talk to. And for the most part we accept these all as being reality. But what is reality?
Reality - [ree-al-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties for 3, 5–7.
| 1. | the state or quality of being real. |
| 2. | resemblance to what is real. |
| 3. | a real thing or fact. |
| 4. | real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality. |
| 5. | Philosophy.
|
| 6. | something that is real. |
| 7. | something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent. |
Ok, so that's the dictionary definition of reality, but it doesn't really tell you anything. It requires that you understand what it means for something to be real.
Real - [ree-uh
l, reel] –adjective
| 1. | true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent: the real reason for an act. |
| 2. | existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life. |
| 3. | being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up. |
| 4. | being actually such; not merely so-called: a real victory. |
| 5. | genuine; not counterfeit, artificial, or imitation; authentic: a real antique; a real diamond; real silk. |
| 6. | unfeigned or sincere: real sympathy; a real friend. |
| 7. | Informal. absolute; complete; utter: She's a real brain. |
| 8. | Philosophy.
|
So basically it would seem that for something to be real it cannot be fictious, imaginary, artificial or nonexistant. But how does one actually measure that? In most cases it is a simple matter, however there are time when reality cannot be quantified. When we must judge based on our own version of reality what is real and what is not. So it would seem that reality is an assumption on our part of what we percieve to be real.
Perception and assumption is all that truly separates reality from all else. So in that case I put forth, does having a solid grip on 'reality' truly matter? Reality is ever changing with new information, reality is not a constant. For example;
Your friend steals your wallet, however tells you they didn't and tells you that you probably lost it. That means, assuming you believe them, that your reality is that your wallet was lost. Your friends reality is that they stole it. Both are factual to the person viewing them, as reality is perception. Now given new information about your wallet your version of reality will change, however that does not make your previous version of reality unfounded while it was occurring.
The facts that were presented to you left you with a valid perception of a reality. Which also means that everything you see and experience is reality, until discovered otherwise. Our reality is dependent on too many variables to be a constant and with this in mind...
What would you do?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
This must be what going mad feels like...
I recently spent two night and most of those two days having a Firefly marathon. For those of you who don't know what Firefly is;
It is a science fiction television series that first aired in 2002, and sadly was canceled after only 11 of its 14 episodes were aired. It is one of Joss Whedon's marvelous creations that tells the tale of 9 people who live their lives on a Firefly-class spaceship named 'Serenity'. It is set in the year 2517, after humans have arrived and settled into a new star system. Despite it's short life on air, it was insanely popular and continues to have a large fan base, Joss Whedon also developed 3 episodes into comic books and then followed up with the movie 'Serenity' which finishes off the story. It's an amazing look into the future from a more realistic mind set, the ship 'Serenity' is in constant need of repair and is often dirty and looks quite 'lived in'. The weapons of choice are traditional pistols and shotguns, with few 'space age' weapons. The crew suffers from lack of money, dirt on their boots, occasional torn clothing, realistic injuries and their mechanic is always covered in engine grease. If you've never had the opportunity to watch it, you should, it is a fine example of Joss Whedon's genius.
And now on to my topic. Joss Whedon, in my opinion, is quite simply one of the most amazing writers, directors, producers etc. (the list could go on for a while) that ever lived. He also wrote/co-wrote Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the TV series), Angel and Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. Among numerous other screen plays for television shows and movies. He also writes comic books and stories. Much of his work has been been nominated for awards or actually won awards. He did one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Hush), where all the characters lose their voices and there is almost no speaking throughout the entire episode. Another episode entitled 'Once More With Feeling' is a musical for which he wrote either the songs or music or both. He did much the same thing with Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, the entire show (roughly 45 minutes in length) is a musical. In the 'Angel' series he wrote an episode called 'Smile Time' (Thanks to Pyriell for correcting me on this) where the main character, Angel, gets transformed into a muppet. As silly as it sounds it was written extremely well and maintains the quality of Joss Whedon's work despite the obvious hilarity that ensues regarding its subject matter.
Without a doubt, my most favourite writer is Joss Whedon. And if there were ever a 'celebrity' I would want to meet it would be him. I am an aspiring writer, not of screenplays though perhaps that would be a possibility one day, and I seek to emulate his genius in my writings. Except, you know, not this blog, clearly.
So here's to Joss Whedon, brilliant writer and alto. The inspiration behind my stories and D&D plots. May you have continued success in your writing endeavors and keep on giving us amazing shows.
Oh, and best line ever in any of his shows;
"My food is problematic."
Peace.
But not actual peace...
It is a science fiction television series that first aired in 2002, and sadly was canceled after only 11 of its 14 episodes were aired. It is one of Joss Whedon's marvelous creations that tells the tale of 9 people who live their lives on a Firefly-class spaceship named 'Serenity'. It is set in the year 2517, after humans have arrived and settled into a new star system. Despite it's short life on air, it was insanely popular and continues to have a large fan base, Joss Whedon also developed 3 episodes into comic books and then followed up with the movie 'Serenity' which finishes off the story. It's an amazing look into the future from a more realistic mind set, the ship 'Serenity' is in constant need of repair and is often dirty and looks quite 'lived in'. The weapons of choice are traditional pistols and shotguns, with few 'space age' weapons. The crew suffers from lack of money, dirt on their boots, occasional torn clothing, realistic injuries and their mechanic is always covered in engine grease. If you've never had the opportunity to watch it, you should, it is a fine example of Joss Whedon's genius.
And now on to my topic. Joss Whedon, in my opinion, is quite simply one of the most amazing writers, directors, producers etc. (the list could go on for a while) that ever lived. He also wrote/co-wrote Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the TV series), Angel and Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. Among numerous other screen plays for television shows and movies. He also writes comic books and stories. Much of his work has been been nominated for awards or actually won awards. He did one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Hush), where all the characters lose their voices and there is almost no speaking throughout the entire episode. Another episode entitled 'Once More With Feeling' is a musical for which he wrote either the songs or music or both. He did much the same thing with Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, the entire show (roughly 45 minutes in length) is a musical. In the 'Angel' series he wrote an episode called 'Smile Time' (Thanks to Pyriell for correcting me on this) where the main character, Angel, gets transformed into a muppet. As silly as it sounds it was written extremely well and maintains the quality of Joss Whedon's work despite the obvious hilarity that ensues regarding its subject matter.
Without a doubt, my most favourite writer is Joss Whedon. And if there were ever a 'celebrity' I would want to meet it would be him. I am an aspiring writer, not of screenplays though perhaps that would be a possibility one day, and I seek to emulate his genius in my writings. Except, you know, not this blog, clearly.
So here's to Joss Whedon, brilliant writer and alto. The inspiration behind my stories and D&D plots. May you have continued success in your writing endeavors and keep on giving us amazing shows.
Oh, and best line ever in any of his shows;
"My food is problematic."
Peace.
But not actual peace...
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