The End of a Chapter

Well hello all. Nice to see you here. Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. I know, I procrastinate like hell with this thing.

So a couple of posts ago I mentioned how I was thinking of quitting smoking. Well, I am. This Friday actually. And I’m pretty nervous about the whole ordeal.

I’ve been smoking for almost 13 years. I have tried to quit 3 times before, and none of those times went very well. They lasted a day at most and a few hours at worst. And the entire time stabbing people sounded like a pretty good idea. The difference with this time and those in the past; this time I’ve told pretty much everyone I know, so I can be held accountable, and I have a lot of support.

Now on to the reason I’m so nervous; the last times the feelings were horrific. Imagine, if you will, thinking you need something so much that you feel you will die without it. Like air. Try quitting breathing. That’s pretty much what it feels like to quit smoking. And worse yet, it’s not just a physical addiction. It is most definitely a psychological addiction as well. So while your body is trying to filter out all the nicotine and god knows what else is in cigarettes, your mind is screaming and clawing at you, begging you to just start smoking again. It is both physically and mentally traumatizing.

Yeah, so this is going to be fun. I hope at the end of this I still have friends. And to those of you that smoke in my house, I’m sorry but for a little while I’m going to have to ask you to smoke outside.

I just have to remind myself why I’m doing it. Oh of course there’s my health. But screw that. That’s not a tangible outcome. For right now it’s about the money. That’s at least something I can see and touch. Maybe I’ll buy myself some ice cream or something.

Cuz you know, that will help with my health.

Wish me luck.

Peace.

Sugar and Spice and everything nice… Not just for girls

Well, it would seem that I have been a bit of a slacker lately. I blame pandas.

I’ve had an interesting life. The list of things I’ve done far outweighs the list of things I haven’t. It makes for interesting stories. And occasionally interesting blog posts. Yes, I said occasionally ok? And yet so very often I find myself at a loss for what I should write here. There’s a fine line between a good story and TMI. So today, without exposing anyone to anything too personal, I would like to talk about what I believe in.

And no I’m not talking about religion or any such thing.

I’m talking about the core values and ideals I hold based on my personal experiences. So I would like to put forth a list of the 16 most important beliefs in my life that have helped make me who I am.

• Always respect everyone. Many people think that some are not worthy of respect. That is the furthest thing from the truth possible. How you treat others is a reflection of you. You (as a human being) are not in a place to judge who is worthy or not of respect.
• Laugh often. Laugh even when it hurts. Nothing is better for the soul than a good laugh. But never forget to temper laughter with respect.
• Remember proper etiquette. This is more than just knowing which fork to use. Etiquette is about respect, tact and good taste. And if you are not familiar with the concept, find someone who is and learn from them.
• Be graceful. Everything you do should be done with care. That means no clomping around like a bull in a china shop. It also extends further into the realm of personality. Accept all things in your life with grace. Good and bad times, winning, losing, pain, hatred and rejection.
• Be a good listener. This doesn’t mean being silent waiting for your opportunity to speak. Actually take the time to actively listen to what someone is telling you. Let them know that you are paying attention by making relevant comments about their subject. Don’t cut them off, and if you do by accident, be graceful and respectful about it and urge them to continue.
• Be understanding. You may not agree with everything that comes your way. But, it takes but a few moments to see things from another point of view and try to understand it. You will find by doing this that fewer things upset you.
• Pay attention to details. When you go out for coffee with a friend, remember how much cream and sugar they take, what their favourite food is, their favourite colour. These are the things that remind people that you care. The small things that most people neglect.
• Never be afraid to learn. When you don’t know something; ask, or go research it yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of by increasing your base of knowledge. But standing by and being content in your ignorance because of pride will only hurt you in the end.
• Remain open minded. This does not require you to agree with everything in the world. Just that you are willing to accept that it may not be your belief, but it is someone's. This goes back to respect.
• Take care of yourself. Think about what people will think when they see you. Always try to look your best, it is as well a reflection of your personality. Looking your best, as a side note, does not mean conforming to popular style. Find your own unique style, or borrow someone else's whatever suits your fancy, so long as it suits you.
• Love. Love fiercely. If you love someone, say so. Never think for a second that they will just know. Assumption is quickly followed by regret. And never, ever say you love someone if you don’t with all your heart. By doing so you sully the word and make it meaningless to those that you do love truly.
• Forgive. Don’t let your life be ruled by grudges and bitterness. To not forgive means you are unable to let go of hurts that will eventually poison your spirit. Sometimes it takes time, but always remember “Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong… because sometime in your life you will have been all of these.”
• Be honourable. Don’t cheat, steal or lie. Don’t turn your back on those that need you. Don’t sacrifice your beliefs or ideals to make life simpler or easier. Hold true to who and what you are at all times.
• Be honest. Most especially to yourself. It is far too easy for us to lie to ourselves. This is probably the hardest point to overcome and practice. However a true sense of self is a necessary part in your happiness.
• Be compassionate and kind. This requires little explanation. Don’t let cruelty find it’s way into your personality.
• And the golden rule; treat others the way you wish to be treated. This requires following all the above points and truly practicing them.

This is how I try to live my life. I am not perfect, though I honestly do try to be. And though I may at times fail to live up to my standards for myself, I acknowledge it, accept it, learn from it, forgive myself and move on. I truly believe that if we all (we being humankind) practiced these things all the time, we would be living in paradise on earth.

Or at least as close to it as we can be.

Peace.

Be the Rainbow

Starting tomorrow I will be continuing my decorating rampage of my apartment.

I have finally chosen colours for the remaining rooms and soon I will be living in a rainbow. Well a rainbow minus a couple colours. Which I guess means it isn't a rainbow at all. Whatever.

I've never liked white walls. They have always seemed barren and boring, leaving the room with which they are in feeling very empty and unfinished. I am a great lover of colour. And beauty.

I try to ensure that everything in my life is beautiful. I take great care in choosing my outfits, making sure that the cut and colour of my clothing is flattering, that my jewelry accents appropriately without drawing too much attention. I spend more time on my hair, makeup and skin in one day than most people I know do in one month. Even my D&D dice are colour coordinated. So that when I pour them all out, they present a pleasing colour compliment to eachother.

Ok, so now I sound a bit off my rocker. But seriously, if more people did this, wouldn't we live in a much more beautiful world? The time and effort one puts into themselves and their surrounding tells a lot about them. If you can't be bothered to ensure that you look your best, what else do you skimp on in your life? And believe me, this is not about vanity. In most cultures the way that you look plays a big part in your life. In almost all cultures in fact except for Western. It is terribly sad to see people walking down the street, eating at a restaurant, even working at their place of employment; looking like they literally just rolled out of bed. Why is it that we as westerners accept this? What on earth is so important in our daily lives that we can't spend 15 extra minutes to look our best?

Oh sure, there is all sorts of excuses with that question. 'I don't have time', 'I don't know how', 'I'm no good with matching colours'. Or the one I hate most of all; 'I think personality is more important'. Most people fail to recognize the intrinsic link between our outward appearance and our psyche. Bottom line is this. If you don't have time, make time. Get up a few minutes earlier. If you don't know how, find out. We live in the information age, where anything you want to know is readily available if you have the mind to look for it. If you're no good at colour schemes etc. find someone who is, usually the person who is employed at your clothing store is very good at it. And the last one... your personality is indeed more important than the way that you look, however if you walk around in ratty clothes with unkempt hair and skin then to the casual observer you will appear to have a less than admirable personality. Most people with whom you would wish to converse with won't even consider speaking with you unless they have to. And no, it's not shallow. You wouldn't eat a hamburger covered in dirt, even if logically you could just remove the dirt. You wouldn't even consider it, the hamburger is now spoiled, and it could be the most flavourful and juicy hamburger ever created, but now no one will ever know because it's outward appearance is less than pleasing. It's burned deep into our psyche as humans.

If you don't care how you look, it only stands to reason that you don't care about a good many things in your life. Which in my personal experience has proven to be absolutely true. Some may disagree, but the ones that do are usually the ones that don't care how they look.

And I'm sorry for the rant, but this is a sore spot with me.

So here's the thing. I challenge everyone to look their best. It's not hard, it does take some effort and a little time, but ultimately it is worth it. By doing it you will find your interactions with others more enjoyable, you may have people talk to you that normally never would. And most importantly, you will feel better. There is sense of accomplishment and happiness that goes hand in hand with looking your best. Your step is lighter, you smile wider and everything seems that much better. When you look like a million bucks you feel like it too.

Don't believe me?

Try it.

Peace.

Possible side effects include Drilling

So I've spent the last 5 out of 7 days at the dentist.

No, not the whole day... geez.

Here's the thing, I hadn't been to the dentist in about 10 or 12 years. I know, I know that's really bad, and I should have gone more often etc. etc. And I'm not going to start making excuses for why I didn't go, but the thing of it is, at least I finally did.

And what an interesting, though somewhat terrifying, experience it has been.

The checkup was fine, the dentist poked around in my mouth for a while, they did some x-ray's pretty standard stuff. Nothing to worry about. Until they told me I had cavities. Fortunately they were very small and had not progressed to the point of being painful. Yay no root canals!!!

I went for the cleaning, and wouldn't you know it, it was incredibly enjoyable. I got to sit in a massaging dentist chair. For a whole hour. It was awesome. By the third day I was feeling much better about the whole experience. So I went for my first session of drilling with minimal terror. They used some topical anesthetic and then injected me with the local anesthetic. Which hurt. Quite a bit. Now I've never been frozen before so I had no idea what it was supposed to feel like. Apparently it's supposed to feel frozen. Who knew?

So, needless to say it hurt. However I didn't say anything as it wasn't unbearable. Just incredibly annoying.

Today I went in for my second set of fillings. The dentist went through the same procedure. Gave me one needle and 10 minutes later came back to check on me. She started poking around, which I still felt, and then decided I needed another needle. No problem, maybe this time it will work. 10 minutes later she started drilling. And let me tell you, the freezing had definitely not taken. I let her go at it for about 5 minutes and then I simply couldn't take it anymore and started crying. Ya, laugh all you want. It was then she decided I needed yet another dose. And it sort of worked, it was still tender, but most of the sensation was gone. And seeing as I am writing this 7 hours later it would seem that I survived more or less intact.

Now the moral to this story is as follows; pay attention to your family history. Had I bothered to make some inquiries I would have discovered that most of the members of my family are highly resistant to anesthetics. And had I known that I could have told the dentist that we could have avoided a painful, though humorous, situation.

Will I go back to the dentist? Of course I will, I rather like my teeth and would like them better if they were in good repair and all still in my mouth in their appropriate spots. Also, word to the wise, take care of your teeth. You only get the one set, and fixing them is way worse than brushing and flossing everyday. Plus toothpaste comes in all sorts of wonderful flavors.

But don't eat it.

That's bad for you.

Peace.