The End of a Chapter

Well hello all. Nice to see you here. Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. I know, I procrastinate like hell with this thing.

So a couple of posts ago I mentioned how I was thinking of quitting smoking. Well, I am. This Friday actually. And I’m pretty nervous about the whole ordeal.

I’ve been smoking for almost 13 years. I have tried to quit 3 times before, and none of those times went very well. They lasted a day at most and a few hours at worst. And the entire time stabbing people sounded like a pretty good idea. The difference with this time and those in the past; this time I’ve told pretty much everyone I know, so I can be held accountable, and I have a lot of support.

Now on to the reason I’m so nervous; the last times the feelings were horrific. Imagine, if you will, thinking you need something so much that you feel you will die without it. Like air. Try quitting breathing. That’s pretty much what it feels like to quit smoking. And worse yet, it’s not just a physical addiction. It is most definitely a psychological addiction as well. So while your body is trying to filter out all the nicotine and god knows what else is in cigarettes, your mind is screaming and clawing at you, begging you to just start smoking again. It is both physically and mentally traumatizing.

Yeah, so this is going to be fun. I hope at the end of this I still have friends. And to those of you that smoke in my house, I’m sorry but for a little while I’m going to have to ask you to smoke outside.

I just have to remind myself why I’m doing it. Oh of course there’s my health. But screw that. That’s not a tangible outcome. For right now it’s about the money. That’s at least something I can see and touch. Maybe I’ll buy myself some ice cream or something.

Cuz you know, that will help with my health.

Wish me luck.

Peace.